How To Stop Arguing? – Part 3: By Dr. Ram Chandran

Resolving Arguments And Problems

Problems are best resolved when we agree to discuss these together in a creative capacity to find useful insights that can benefit all parties.

Creativity is only possible when we conduct our discussion that avoids escalating patterns of polarization. Arguments can only be effective if and when we force ourselves not to get caught up and trapped in the right/wrong paradigm.  An agreeable resolution will become feasible when the “right/wrong” paradigm gets transcended.  If this doesn’t happen within a reasonable time, we should be wise to put off our discussion and observe silence for few days until we cool down.

We should take this time to train our mind to agree to listen to each others’ points of view and look for a resolution that provides more insights.

How do we get out from the trap of the “right/wrong” paradigm?  This is not easy and we need the will-power to invoke the divine nature and open our mind to listen. We must determine to take a stand that our care for the others is much more important than the cheap payoff of winning the debate.

We must be willing to reach for something more fulfilling than the predictable mediocrity of proving ourselves right.  And we need to have the courage to be the one willing to make this change, even in the face of those who desperately want to prove us wrong!  When one of us rise above the right/wrong paradigm, the length of the pole will become smaller and ultimately the argument will likely end.

No matter how much someone else wants to “win,” if we refuse to enter into the world of right and wrong, we will not get trapped in any argument.  But we should recognize the fact that we cannot rise above this paradigm and avoid an argument if we entertain the thought that the person is wrong.   If we do, we will likely back in that right/wrong world again.  This is tricky and it is a bit of a paradox.  No amount of wanting an argument to stop will ever stop an argument, if our inner mind silently engages in judging the other person’s intentions.

We must take a stand that we will no longer participate in any endeavor that tears down others’ beliefs and thoughts.  When those who want to fight can’t find a willing partner, they will be left only to face themselves.  The argument will slowly disintegrate we will no longer be engaging in the losing game of arguing.

Let me conclude this with a prayer:

Sarve Bhavantu Sukinah,
Sarve Santu Niraamayaah
Sarve Bhadraani Pasyanthu,
Maa Kashchid Duhkha Bhak Bhave
Asatoma sadgamaya
Tamasoma jyotirgamaya
Mrityorma amrutamgamaya
OM Shanti Shanti Shantihi

Oh Lord! In Thee May all be Happy,
May All be Free From Misery
May All Realize Goodness,
May None Suffer Pain

Oh Lord! Lead Us From Untruth to Truth,
Lead Us From Darkness to Light
Lead Us From Death to Immortality,

OM PEACE!  PEACE!!  PEACE!!