I am not this, I am not that; who am I? – Gururaj Ananda Yogi Satsang
Question: I am that which causes awareness to flow from the grossness of the lower mind to the un‑differentiated bliss of the superconscious. I am not mind, but upon me the mind rests. I do not move, yet through me all things move. I am neither this nor that. What am I?
Gururaj Ananda: That you are.
Who am I if I am not the mind? Who am I if I am not the body? What makes you presume that you are not the body and not the mind. What point of reference have you to tell you that I am not the mind and neither the body? Show me that point of reference.
When I say to myself, “I am that I am,” who is this that I am that I am? Who is this Brahmas mi‑‑I am Brahma? Who is this that could say, “I and my Father are one?” Who is this that could say that I, as the mind and body, is non‑existent?
Then what part of you is existent to make you cognize your non‑existence? You don’t know, that is for sure.
Your mind is a reality, your body is a reality, and the spiritual self within you is a reality, but it is only the mind that could cognize its own realness which is also, at the same time, erroneous.
You say I am this body. Now this body has been changing so much. I was an infant, then l grew up into adolescence, became an old man…
So this body is the same body, but over a period of time ‑‑ which you regard to be time ‑‑ has gone through various changes. Who is that which perceives this particular form of reality?
The spirit that is within you, the Divinity that is within you, is non‑cognizable and neither would it cognize anything besides itself in its own cognition.
The mind says this is a handkerchief. Why does the mind say this is a handkerchief? Because my mind, or a certain recollection or experiences that has gone through me in this lifetime or even in past lifetimes, perhaps, make me cognize this to be a cloth, a piece of cloth to be used on my nose.
Now, where does this come from? What tells you that this is a nose and that’s a handkerchief? So you go further back to realize that my mind is saying that, then you will ask yourself what perpetuates this mind in this mold of having this particular kind of cognition?
And like that you go on and on and on until you reach a point which is zero. Then only can you say, “I’m not the body.” Then only can you say, “I’m not the mind.”
Look, I can touch, feel, smell, taste, go to bed and make love, go to the toilet. Is the body then not functional? Of course it is functional. Then why do I deny the body?
I deny the body because I feel within myself‑‑or rather some force is feeling within myself‑‑that I am far beyond the body and the mind. Now, the greatest mistake that has been made‑‑or is being made by various theologies‑‑is the denial of the body and mind. Let’s look at it from a different angle. Do not deny this body. Do not deny this mind. And do not deny that which cognizes the body and the mind.
So how are you dealing with yourself, then? We’re still going to come to the cognitive factor. But at this moment how do you stand? You stand in the position of saying, my body exists, my mind exists, and the cognitive factor also exists, so therefore I am existence and being existing I can deny nothing. For I am that I am.
There is no differentation between your body and your mind and your cognitive self. The I that cognizes the very existence of this body and this mind is thought forms which we can call the ego self that is forever trying to preserve itself in the cognitive factors of saying I am this handsome guru [comments and laughs from audience]. Who’s saying that? That stupid ego self.
Now, what is the ego worth? The ego is worth nothing, because it is just a formation of patterns which you have superimposed upon yourself through the various experiences that you have gone through, and that has left impressions. And those impressions is that which we call the ego.
Now, I put my hand on this table and I remove this hand. But an imprint is there. The hand is not there anymore, but an impression or an imprint of the hand is existing on this table. Get out your magnifying glass and you will see it. What reality is there in this imprint? Nil!
This very imprint that cognizes me as a body, this very imprint that cognizes me as a mind. So my body and mind is totally dependent upon that imprint. And yet, what is the reality of this imprint? Nil. It’s an impression created through patternings of experiences.
So now if I deny this imprint, or if I do not attach value to this imprint in bringing about the recognitions of the existence of this body and this mind, then I am basing the existence of this body and this mind with something that has no substance but which has just created an impression there, presuming that this mind and this body is real.
So now, what have we done so far? We are accepting the reality of the mind and the body, and, at the same time, we are denying the mind and the body. Because both are true. You are not the body, yet the body; you are not the mind, yet the mind. Then what is your reality? And how are you going to prove this reality?
You can only prove it by inference. Or by the very factor that reality requires no proof. It exists because of its own existence. The only time you can prove reality is when you have a reference point. And where can there be any reference point as as far as Divinity is concerned.
There is consciousness and non‑consciousness. Non‑ consciousness means you are not aware. And conscious means that you are aware. Now, what proof is there of awareness. Does awareness require any proof? Does the light burning there require any proof that it is burning? Its very act of giving light is its own proof.
You do not need to prove anything. Because when it comes to the highest level, you need a point of reference, and the highest level being the one, without a second, cannot have a reference point.
I exist, I exist, because I exist. That’s all. And because I, the real me to which I have no reference point exists, I can only refer it back to a grosser level of the mind and the body, which finds its existence in that which I cannot prove is existing.
I’m taking the highest factor in life and bringing it down to the grossest factor and that is what I could compare things with. But when we reach the point beyond comparison ‑‑ Beautiful word. You’re pairing up things in comparison. There have to be two to compare. But what if I want to exist as I am in my full totality, then will I not lose the idea of comparing myself to anything else? And the very moment I lose the idea of comparing myself to any subject or object, that is the very moment when I will lose the ego self, that imprint that is existing in my experience. Or the impression of the experience. Then where will I be? I shall be incomparable.
I shall be the source of existence itself, which I am. Not in reality, but in actuality. For reality changes from day to day. What is real to you today might be unreal to you tomorrow. You see. But when I become actual, when I become the source and recognize that source within me, or the source recognizes itself, then I will say, let me enjoy this body. Let me enjoy this mind, for it is a product of a collection of impressions. And if they are there, let me make the best use of it.
Here we are fusing two factors. The fusion lies in the fact that that which is created by impressions‑‑or maya or illusion‑‑, is brought into reality, and reality is converted into illusion. So I make the best of both worlds.
For example, let’s see what example we can use. Say I loved a woman very much, I was deeply involved with that woman. Fine. And she has left me. She has jilted me or died or whatever or jumped in the lake. Now, is she there or is she not there? She’s dead, we know. But is she there or is she not there? She is there because you think she is there. What makes you think she is there is because those impressions, those experiences, and you are reliving something so far in the past which has no reality today, which has become an illusion. Because she is not there. I have developed a dependency upon her when she was there. So what am I living on now? On dependencies.
I am existing with a reality, which is my body and my mind. Though in essence it is unreal, but for the moment of three score years and ten, let me do the best with it I can. Why not. Who would deny me that right? And why should it be denied to me? You think all these organs we have are there just for the fun of it or for the show of it? You think I have ears and I must not hear? Or I have eyes and I must not see? Or a nose and not smell? Or any other organ of my body that has been there created through an evolutionary process and not to be used. Why should I not use every organ in this body of mine to its fullest value? Honestly and sincerely.
So these monks say become celibate, become this and that, become this and I don’t know what all. I say, “become yourself!” Be yourself!
Be yourself. How can I make myself be myself? Ahh! How can I make myself be myself? And the answer to that riddle is so simple. Do you know that beautiful hymn which I like very much, lead thou me on, kindly light, one step at a time is enough for me. Don’t you know that beautiful hymn?
Firstly, I must admit to myself that I’m living a fragmented life. Part of my mind is pulling that way, part of my mind is pulling that way, part of my mind is floating up there in Chicago and another part somewhere in some heaven or some hell which has no existence in reality.
Admit to oneself that I’m fragmented. Lead thou me on, kindly light to integration away from fragmentation. Let me be whole. Let me function in this life holistically. Let me not find any more the discriminatory factors between body, mind, and spirit. Let me regard it to be one continuum. And this continuum, after finding through spiritual practices and meditation, when you find this continuum of yourself, mind, body, and spirit, this continuum will extend and extend and develop so much that the entire universe becomes you and you become the universe.
Existence and non‑existence, what am I going to do about it? I’m both. I am existing, and at the same time, the impressions which I’m existing upon is non‑existent.
So let me tell you this, that 99.999% of your problems in your mind are self‑created without any damn substance. So that which you have created without substance… very easy way out of it‑‑pull the chain!
That is the secret of life. Forget the past. It is gone. Do not project yourself into the future, it might not be there. But live for this moment. Live for this moment. And then you’ll preserve your physical health, you’ll preserve your mental health, you’ll become integrated in mind, body and spirit, and you’ll enjoy life. For life is joy. So, as I always say, enjoy the joy. Why deny yourself of that beautiful joy of this so‑ called existence when you can have fun.
What’s wrong with fun. Enjoy it. But be honest and sincere, that’s important.