Posted by: aparna sharma • Jul 19th, 2010
Who says God will come to you?? For ‘will come’ implies a distance in space and time. The Guru, the Master the Supreme Being or the ‘SELF’ is always there- shrill, in his silence…. It is only when we tune in to that presence, even for a moment that he quickly draws us in- in form of a poem that opens up something inside, or words, or a thousand hued monsoon sky, or a vision, a scenery, a fragrance, a note—ANYTHING that touches you for a moment and unravels so many parts of you.
Every now and then, there will be a word, said or unsaid that will touch a thousand strings of the being and music bursts forth—thousands of notes you haven’t even heard for centuries or for lifetimes… (for who can fathom how many strings you’ve acquired over how many lifetimes?) And once you have experienced that ‘opening up’ within- A moment when all the constructions of the ego and mind and petty emotions fall apart, it kind of becomes addictive, you want to go back there again and again, for the soul has experienced what it truly IS in that moment.
What we have constructed over the years , all our mental constructions of ego and mind and the irascible being inside masquerading as heart- all these constructions stifling the soul- fall apart. The façade falls apart for a moment and you stand in your bare nakedness, in your TRUTH. These are what I call ‘soul moments’- the only ones we have truly lived. We have all known those moments of pure transparency triggered by a thing of beauty, or a sunlit sky, or even deep scathing pain- anything that breaks open the shell, when a real ‘I’ has emerged in us out of these thousands of hours of nonexistence. A point where the whole being gathers together in a great poignant intensity and something is rent.
The soul stands in its utter nakedness confronting (or experiencing) its own hour of truth.
The way is not to acquire something or become something, but to give up and non-become. “the child suppressed in the secret cavern” says the Rig Veda (V.2.1), “he that is awake in those who sleep” (Katha Upanishad, V.8.)- to be in that Center
“.. .the sunlit space where all is for ever known” (Sri Aurobindo ‘Savitri’)
If we have felt this Sun within, this flame, this living life even for one second in a lifetime, everything is changed; everything else pales before that moment of truth. And if we are faithful to this call (the addiction) to be there again and again, it will grow like a living flame inside our being, like an untiring need, getting more and more poignant, undeniable- like something unable to burst open:
A terrible sensation that something prevents you from seeing and going through; you try to go through, but you find yourself before a wall. So you bang and bang on it but you can’t go through, says The Mother. The pressure becomes so great, the intensity of the question so strong that something tips over in the consciousness. Instead of being outside trying to see inside, you are inside’ and the moment you are inside, absolutely everything changes, and changes completely. All that appeared to you to be true, natural, normal, real tangible, at once appears highly grotesque, comical, unreal and absurd. You have touched something supremely true and eternally beautiful; and this you never lose again.
Only a matter of gathering enough ‘soul moments’ …. Gathering enough drops of sun, before true life opens up as though we had never seen sunlight before.